Tuesday, May 21, 2002

More Trivial Bullshit


The Cheyn-ster says another terrorist attack is inevitable, Rumsfeld's saying that terrorists will inevitably get nukes, and I am trying to figure out how George Lucas will plug the plot hole that (I think) I've just discovered in Episode III.

I have yet to see the Attack of the Clones, but a random thought just jumped into my head at work today - How is it that Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader does not know that Princess Leia was his daughter? Remember, Darth only finds out after Luke's mind betrays him when Darth reads his thoughts, during the final battle in the Emperor's throne room in Return of the Jedi. Just do your best to follow me here. It seems pretty silly to worry about it now, and it may be tied up in the third movie, but there may be a huge plot hole here.

In Return of the Jedi on the moon of Endor, Luke asks Leia what she remembers of her mother (obviously Luke's Mom as well). So how is it that Leia was in Darth's clutches twice (Once in Star Wars, once in Empire with Han at Cloud City) and it didn't occur to Darth that this Princesses Mommy is the child of someone he used to knock boots with? I know that Luke and Leia didn't know they were related, but Leia knows who her mother is, so couldn't Darth do the math?

[inside Darth's head] "Let's see, I was shagging Amadila roughly 30 some odd years ago, this girl looks 29 years and 3 months old, her mom is my former live in girlfriend.....I know I have a son...."

Don't Princesses have a famous mother generally? Did Princess Amadila go into hiding or remove herself from public life after giving birth? Being royalty is not earned of course, you need to have a Queen Mommy, last time I checked anyway. Wouldn't it be a well known fact that the kid is his, or at least well known that her mom was Princess Amadila? How else would her royal title be earned?

One way it could be hidden is Princess Leia is told her Dad is someone else. This would help, but it wouldn't answer how Darth would know about Luke but not Princess Leia.... Was he told that Princess Amadila had only one child? Vader knows he's got a son with this woman, and Luke and Leia are roughly the same age. Was the public deprived of the knowledge that Princess Amadila had a child, were they told at a later date so they could sort of fudged her age, throwing off Darth? It's just all so confusing.

The end result in Episode III would have to be as follows - Anakin / Darth Vader knows that Princess Amadila is pregnant or has a son, that it's his, but he knows nothing of the daughter. Well, at least Princess Amadila has a daughter but Darth Vader is led to believe that it isn't his, for whatever reason (that comment about the fudging of her age, the dates etc.). Princess Leia also has to be led to believing that she isn't the daughter of Anakin. Hell, maybe she doesn't even know who her real mom is, ya know? Maybe she's adopted by another Princess! I'm just brainstorming here.

Princess Amadila can't tell Leia that she is the daughter of Anakin or the mother that raised Princess Leia is not her real mother, but she's still a Princess. This is still confusing. The only thing that throws this off is the scene in Return of the Jedi, where Luke asks Leia what she remembers of Mom. I don't think it's presumptuous to say that Lucas was insinuating in that scene that Luke wanted to know about the Mom he never knew, his mom, her mom, they're real Mom. It could be a red herring on Lucas's part (doubtful) a goof that was overlooked (more likely) or something else entirely.

I've never seen this posted anywhere, so if you've seen it somewhere else, let me know. And if you haven't seen it elsewhere, somebody better start chirping about it on the Star Wars Web boards for goodness sake! Literally millions of disgruntled computer programmers all over the world will have upset stomachs, aggravated by this terrible plot hole, and it will agonize geeks for generations to come. I used to be one of those geeks - actually I still am, I just agonize over totally different things now.

Next week I'll show you how a 4th level mage can take on two Beholders at once WITHOUT the fireball spell all by him/herself with the newest rules in the latest edition of Advanced Dungeons and Dragons!

While on the Star Wars trip I saw this very scary article about Star Wars and contemporary politics linked by Slate. It seems silly to agonize over a fictional movie and it's political implications in relation to the real world. There is so much unseen and unknown, at least in regards to the movies, the fictitious Empire and The Rebellion, etc. All I know there are some genuine fascists working in some Right Wing news publications out there. How you can justify depriving people of their rights to govern themselves is ridiculous.

The author makes parallels between the UN and The Intergalactic Senate. Granted the UN does work pitifully slow, but democracy is not very fast. The whole unanimous vote thing in the UN does make things difficult, but democracy is never easy. It's just that it's a better alternative than being deemed an enemy of the state by those in power who have no accountability to the public. Those people could arbitrarily decide that the best way to deal with your personal beliefs is to separate your head from your body. Another thing - our rep at the UN is not voted on, they are appointed by the President, which does not seem the case in the Star Wars universe. If anything the WTO resembles the Empire after the Senate is disbanded in the Star Wars universe. Again it's just speculation, you can't really compare a fictituous organization in a movie and compare it to a real one.

However the author of the article calls Pinochet a "relatively benign dictator". I was listening to NPR just two weeks ago, listening to a man talk about the trauma he suffered from torture, how his pregnant wife killed by Pinochet militants. Is that what conservatives are calling benign now? Being physically and mentally tortured for organizing a union is benign? The article goes on about how "At least you could do business with him" attitude, comparing Darth Vader and Pinochet. It's good to remember what some conservatives priorities are; making money, international trade and establishing capital for the Trade Federation (or the WTO) being more important that basic human rights, like freedom of expression, ability to earn at least a meager living etc. The columnist is probably just trying to piss people off, which is why I'm not going into a tirade, but you still gotta call people on their shit.

Sometime I feel like John Goodman's character in The Big Lebowski, in that scene in the bowling alley where he pulls out a gun and starts screaming "Has the whole world gone fucking mad? Am I the only one sane around here?"

Sometimes I wish that I was just like Walter, that I'm the one whose fucking nuts. It's just that it would make me feel better, to know or find out that what I think I'm seeing is completely wrong, and the whole world is not going to hell in a handbasket.

Oh, and one more thing, Have a nice day!

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